Sunday, September 30, 2007

years ago was years ago

Sometimes I feel sad that I didn't get help sooner, if I had gotten help in my teenage years when all this really started, who knows what I could have become. But I try to tell myself that I probably wouldn't have accepted help, I wasn't "allowed" to talk to doctors, they tried to help me when I was a small child but I wouldn't talk. And in my teenage years I thought something was wrong but I didn't know anyone else who was messed up so I just thought I must be normal so I continued on living in the hell of my mind, wishing I was dead everyday, finding false hope, trying to fix myself when I couldn't be fixed.
I just sometimes wonder what I could have been.
But now I try to see what I can be right now.

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