having some sort of relapse or something, im trying to figure out what leads up to this and i think it might be online shopping, i haven't done it but for the past few days i have had the urge to do it but knowing my money needs to go to something more important has stopped me, but just now i've felt all the old feelings and i feel tired but im also feeling that not allowing me to sleep feeling.
so im writing this and then i am forcing myself to go to bed and hopefully things will be better when i wake up, seeing that familiar loss of hope again, but i have a little hope at least.
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