Monday, October 1, 2007

therapy is working

Since I last went this has been popping up in my face of how well I block things, it's popped up here and there.
I thought therapy was doing nothing but then I remembered I always want instant results, I hate waiting around and that is what the problem with therapy has been.
I know i've blocked it so well of how my mom treated me when I was a teenager I still have no memory of it, just pieces. But the other stuff that happened to me I know it's there I still see it sometimes but I just don't feel it, I am numb to it all and it's been a very good way to be, but it's also like a suffocating way to be, I feel like I can't breathe, it's always there in my mind but I don't feel it.

I've decided im going to bring this up in therapy on wednesday, someone told me therapy is about what I want and I should bring up what I want to talk about and not wait for her to mention things.
So that's what im going to do, I think im ready to begin with the stuff that is really bothering me, I can learn coping skills for my mom along the way, I think leaving the house is the best coping skill at least it's better then sitting in the house hurting myself because I can't handle her screaming and banging around, hurting myself has not entered my mind since the last time. That's been a good feeling too.

I know I have to be careful with what I bring out of myself, im not yet that stable and the therapist knows this too, but i've gone back to my old support group board and shared my fears of feeling I don't belong and everyone has been wonderful and accepting as usual so im feeling more comfortable being there again and someone is always in chat so if I have a hard time I know I can get support there.

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